Quentin Clapper: I'm Alive

Writing this very quickly. I'm alive. Escaped them the other day since that video text. Just grabbed this pic of some. Still in hiding. Will update you soon. HELP ME.

Fanny Loveless: True Confessions

Dear Quentin, I don't know if you will ever read this, or even if you ever read anything ever again but... I have a confession to make.

The Dutch authorities weren't just on a random raid, they were there specifically looking for you, and the reason I know that is because... I was the one who told them.

I'm so so fucking sorry. Seriously I am loves, really well and truly. I never thought you'd end up in that crazy Quarantine Prison, I just thought they would deport you back to the UK!

I am racked with guilt every second of the day, Really. Well OK, when I listen to the new Jedward song I don't feel so bad. Or if I'm drinking wine. Or having a fag. Or eating some trill. Or watching some telly. Or looking at porn on the Internet. But when I'm not doing any of those things I'm feeling really sad and guilty. Well, unless Aunty Hy or Winnifred Lesbo Bulldyke or Montel or the fucking pig are trying to talk to me in which case I'm just pissed off. But the rest of the time. Guilty as hell.

I'm trying to formulate some sort of plan to help you, on the off chance you're still alive and managing to survive in the zombie-infested quarantine facility somehow. OK! Not zombie-infested, zombies aren't real that's just stupid, but you know what I mean. The rabid-genetically-modified-animal infested quarantine facility. If you're reading this please find some way to let me know you survive!

Love from your old dear Fanny x

Quentin in Quarantine! (Updated by Fanny Loveless)

Hey Fanny Flaps,

Fucking Hell! What have I done! I just had this video message in from Quentin! He looks like he's in some sort of demonic Animal Quarantine!

Quentin Clapper: Quarantine!

Oh my GOD! Fanny, you are never going to believe what's happened to me!

I was working at the Gay Brothel Sauna Thing as usual a few days ago when there was a bust! It was a normal afternoon, the sun was shining outside and I was inside getting spitroasted by a big hairy Arabic bloke (who had the arse) and a mincing little Japanese twink (who had the mouth) when suddenly a dozen suited&booted armed officers came storming in.

At first I just thought there was some kind of kinky role play going on, but one of the officers handcuffed me, and didn't even try and stick his dick anywhere near me. A large cloak was thrown over my head and then I must've been led out of the sauna and threw in a van, it was cold in there and smelt of petrol and old piss.

After a few hours the van stopped and I was hauled out. Fanny I've no idea where I am! Except that it's scary and according to the signs it's some sort of Quarantine facility? A man chucked me into a cage and started shouting at me about immigration, visas and animal control laws. I've no idea what he was on about but I've been kept in the cage ever since.

Luckily, while I was working I had my i-phone rammed up my hole for safe keeping, but I'm being watched nearly 24/7 so I've got to pick my moments to get it out. Fanny, you have to help me! Find out where I am and get me out of here! I'll keep my ears open and post again when I've gathered some more information. I'm too sexy to die!

Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!