Quentin La Vida Homo

Escapin' !

Helllloooooooo! Friends, Fans, and of course, Fucks. I am BACK Baby and it is about TIME! Well, I mean what a couple of months for me! You all of course know about my soirees in Cornwall, in Holland and working at fantastic Dutch brothels, and then the terrible incident with quarantine! Poor poor me, little old sweet innocent Quentin! I was so scared for a time there that I would die behind bars, it was bad enough at first but once the mutations started happening... but anyway thankfully that's all over now!

Of course I escaped! As Mr Humphries would say, "I'm freeeeeeeeeee!" I have to admit, at first I was tempted to head back to the brothel I had been working at, but I realised that would be stupid as I would probably end up arrested again. I decided to get travelling, but after hitch-hiking out of Holland I ended up in Belgium and I thought, what a fucking shit hole, let's just get back to good old Blighty and leave the boring continent behind.

Beach Bummin'

I obviously couldn't just walk onto a plane, as I had no passport and if my name came up on any systems alarm bells would probably ring as the words "ESCAPED CONVICT" flashed up on a computer screen. Luckily, sneaking on board a Ferry at Bruges Port was easy enough as the Belgiums are a bunch of sexually-repressed Poirots who would do anything for a quick blow-job.

The Good Life!

I didn't plan anything naughty, but after hooking up with another passenger, he was hot, and rich, but far too needy. So one night he was talking about "getting serious" and we'd had a bit too much champagne, I may have accidentally pushed him overboard and caused him to die horribly. But luckily, I was able to nick his credit card before others realised he was missing. So once we docked at some God-awful-UK-seaside resort I was off and booking myself into the swankiest hotel I could find!

Goofin' Around

I had some fun, just relaxing, sunbathing, shoplifting and shagging, but I realised that it was time to go home. I tried hitching again but no-one would bite, so I had to do a spot of carjacking to get myself a ride. I ditched the car at Bath so the cops wouldn't get suspicious, and hiked back to Bristol.

Everyone was so excited to see me! And of course they should be! Even Fanny, though I'm sure it won't be long before we're up to our fun game of trying to kill each other again. Such a laugh! Tafryn is especially glad I'm back the kinky fucker, so I better go now so I can give him a good hard seeing to!

Love you all!


Quentin Clapper xxx